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ashley's blog

reflections of the week

Wednesday conversation: Calvin and hobbes 

7/13/2016

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20 Things you shouldn't do around the world

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Part of the risk (and fun) in cross-cultural interactions is discovering what is (and what is not) appropriate. Not just appropriateness but to whom is it appropriate, when and how often.

The surest way to figure this out is by making mistakes.

In 2015, I had the opportunity to accompany a good friend to Thailand, where she had taught English through the Fulbright program.

During this trip, I was welcomed by her wonderful community of Thai high school teachers. 

Their kindness was moving. The teachers rented a beachside condo for the weekend. They cooked many, many delicious meals, and serenades us endlessly with English pop tunes.

All of the teachers had a great sense of humor and enjoyed joking, especially P'O (pictured in gray shirt).
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P'O can be described as an affectionate jokester eager to speak English. She's also about 5'4 and I'm 5'8. While hugging, I touched her head. She said, "I am your sister, not your dog."

How embarrassing for the both of us!


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In Thailand, as is the case in most Hindu and Buddhist-influenced countries, the head is considered sacred. How could I forget something so basic? Perhaps I thought friendship transcended these norms.

After inwardly reprimanding myself for such a blunder and reassembling my pride, I noticed P'O had moved past the offense and was teasing someone else.

Moral of the story: I made a mistake and I survived.


​Check out this list of 
20 Things NOT to do Around the World.
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WEDNESDAY conversation: CALVIN AND HOBBES

6/22/2016

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THE IMPORTANCE OF ASSUMING POSITIVE INTENT

As interculturalists, it is imperative to assume positive intent in conflict situations where there is miscommunication,

Positive intent embraces the notion that people are making the best choices, with the best of hopes, with the best of their resources, to the best of their abilities. Essentially, instead of believing people are "out to get you," you give them the benefit of the doubt. 

This is not "letting people off easy" or being naive; it's recognizing our human inability to know other people's true motives. This is hard work but important work for three key reasons:

1. Assuming positive intent allows us to reframe the conflict. Bernard Mayer says reframing is the ability "to maintain the conflict in all its richness but to help people look at it in a more open-minded and hopeful way." It's deeper than looking at conflict from a different perspective. It separates the person from the problem and focuses on the miscommunication or misunderstanding that needs to be address.

2. Assuming positive intent puts us in a position to consider that maybe the person is not "stupid, spiteful, evil" but has limited information, resources, or preoccupations which validated the actions or inaction s/he has taken. When knowledge and information is incomplete, behaviors may seem questionable to those with a fuller understanding

3. Positive intent recognizes we are imperfect people and to quote the truism, "Interculturalist are never perfect; they are forgiving." Assuming positive intent in others allows us to extend the same grace to ourselves when we make a mistake.

Book Recommendations:
Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In by Roger Fisher and William L. Ury
Communication Highwire: Leveraging the Power of Diverse Communication Styles by Dianne Hofner Saphiere, Barbara Kappler Mikk, and Basma Ibrahim Devries
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